Appreciating the good life

Appreciation. Its a word with a couple of different but related meanings. I've been giving appreciation a lot of thought lately in how I feel it and in how I show it.
 Appreciation can mean to view and admire something for its merits such as appreciating a fine wine or a work of art. In this respect, the word has a meaning which implies a form of reflection. Do we 'appreciate' our families and friends by giving them each individual thought on a regular basis? Many would say they do but I know that I have been guilty of going several days without 'appreciating' some members of my world.
Another meaning of the word appreciate is to increase in value. Do the relationship we forge with people increase in value to us through time or not? Tough question. Sometimes, such as when we are teenagers, the people we need the most seem to depreciate in value...like our parents. Sometimes relationships we hoped would remain important lose their sheen and become more effort to maintain than we can afford. But as adults, the people we choose to have in our personal lives should continue to appreciate in value to us as a function of the experiences we share and the memories we build together.
A third meaning of the word appreciate is to show gratitude. This meaning is perhaps the most open to interpretation when appreciation is actually being demonstrated. I once took a sales course which used the concept of showing appreciation to mean giving full attention and acknowledgement through applause. We would "show some appreciation" whenever a member of the group shared an experience or made a presentation. This example of showing appreciation was a watered down form of appreciation. And yet it demonstrated to me how little we as people let others know they have meaning to us and the apparent need to do it more.
I question how many of us humans do all three and fully appreciate the good people in their orbit. How many people really pause to reflect on those around them, really give thought to the people closest to them? How many people can say that they have relationships which continue to grow in value and importance in their lives? And most importantly, how many people share their thoughts with those same people?
A truly rich life is one in which you are truly grateful for what you have. Take time, show appreciation. It enriches you.

Driving in Calgary is an awful experience. I see people treating other drivers as obstacles. They see them as adversaries to compete with for position on a daily basis. Why do they need to be ahead of every other person on the road? What is a driver thinking when they purposely put themselves, their vehicle and other drivers at risk when they make power moves designed to "take" a position from another driver. Speeding, following too close,  quick lane changes, aggressive gestures and swerving to make room are all acceptable practices in this town.
When you couple this "me versus the road" type mentality with higher volumes on roads already operating over capacity, you get accidents and grid lock.
To make things even worse, police in Calgary are handing out traffic violation tickets at a rate unheard of in cities much larger than our Cowtown. Is this because drivers are bad in Calgary or is this because of an overly ambitious police force looking to capitalize on frustrated and tired drivers? It would certainly be no great intellectual leap to see how much the City of Calgary Police Service would benefit from fines when they are being handed out at a rate double to triple that of other cities.
I think we all need a breather here. We all need to rethink what we are doing behind the wheel, accept some responsibility for our behavior and that of our fellow driver and learn to be courteous. And this includes the police. They must be more willing to address speeding, following too close and other activities that cause drivers to make bad decisions. They need to not just hand out tickets but to take an approach of educating people. If not, where will we be when the population reaches 1.5 million, 2 million and beyond? We need to improve our roadways. We need better express routes and more access to each quadrant of the city. But without better behavior, we will only see these roadways becoming as congested and as dangerous as the Deerfoot Trail currently is. We need to take a collective chill pill!

The roaring 40s

This past January I celebrated my 43 birthday. It was no significant milestone in and of itself except that I noticed a strange thing. From the time I turned 40, I did what I believe a lot of people do. I completed a thorough life analysis.My partner and I have had many conversations about it as she has done ( and continues to do) the same thing. I can't help but wonder if this process is the "midlife crisis" we hear about as kids. Maybe, the midlife crisis is a natural process brought on by ageing. The purpose of this process would be to give you an opportunity to "grade" your success at the thing called life. A so called mid life exam. You get to see your progress and make the changes necessary to get the most out of life - should you choose to do so.

So what is the strange thing I mentioned? Its strange that the process seemed to end unnoticed by me. It goes from being a daily question and answer period to being...just comfortable. Now, this is my experience and maybe to others the process will take longer or shorter. The thing is, I enjoyed it. I needed it. I found it to be extremely interesting and exhilarating. But...I'm glad its over too. I now feel I know who I am, where I am going and who I will share the journey with better than at any time previous in my life. Now I can just get on with living a good life; one of my own design!

This past weekend my partner and I went to spend a romantic and restful weekend in Banff, Alberta. It was a fabulous weekend of eating, strolling around the town, seeing sights, shopping and relaxing in the hot tub. As we drove home we discussed the merits of taking this short period of time away to reconnect. We committed to making an effort to escape the noise of everyday life on a more regular basis.
 In my previous life, this sort of agreement was impossible. My former wife and I didn't have the same sense of understanding about the importance of making the relationship a priority above all else- if only for 48 hours. She felt that since we became parents, all of our focus and time must be for the development of our children. I felt and still feel that a few hours every couple of months will do no harm to the kids and go a long way towards prolonging the life of our relationship. This wasn't the only reason our relationship ended but in a way, it was indicative of the overall differences we had.
I am lucky to have found a partner who shares my need to make time for "us". I am lucky to have her. I tell her this often and I hope she hears it. I am not sure how common making a connection as good as ours happens but I feel blessed. I know that going forward, I can count on her to make time for me when its needed. I try not to be demanding. I also need her to be dedicated to the other people in her life. I only ask for balance, for her, for me, for our children and families and for our friends. We did a good thing this weekend! We celebrated us and that deserves celebration. Our relationship is the foundation for all that is good in my life. I will continue to guard it, nurture it, and celebrate it with as much energy as I can give it.
My wish for mankind is that more people take this approach to their own relationships and see the value in what they have. After all, when something good comes into your life,you should take time regularly to acknowledge that and never take for granted that it will remain good for you without any effort on your part.
Now go in piece grasshoppers!

What happened?

Quick question...when did men and women become two different species? How is it that male and female animals of the same species can be wired so differently that propagation of the species seems an unlikely miracle? Men are attracted to women and vice versa. Its what happens after the pair bonding process that gets muddy. Men, it seems are always thinking about sex. They can become aroused easily and often. Women see sex differently and don't feel the compulsion the way men do. Often this results in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and sometimes the end of relationships.
Countless books, seminars, discussion groups and web pages are dedicated to bridging the gap that seems to exist currently between the sexes. There is a whole industry created to make money off of trying to reconcile mankind to itself! So what happened that in the 20,000 years since we differentiated ourselves from the chimps that now we have to figure out what it means to be a man and a woman in a relationship? Is this the next stage in our evolution? Becoming more like grizzly bears than birds which mate for life? Are we just now coming to the understanding that humans are really incapable of monogamy? Is monogamy a human invention which goes against our natural hardwired drive? I would be sadly disillusioned to discover that to be the case. I'm just putting it out there.